David Croft and Anthony Davidson were commentating on Schumacher’s return and at first the comments were even handed, especially from Ant. Making a comparison with Lance Armstrong’s return he made the point that  in retirement a cyclist was better placed to simulate the experience of racing than Michael.

Then it started to go downhill, we got the same tired clichés often reeled off by the anti-Schumacher types, stuff about how Michael always had a better car and less able team mate. Heavily hinting that these were the only reasons for his success.

I sent a tweet protesting this. Originally I was going to say “You’re always trashing Michael Schumacher’s reputation. With Brundle, is this sour grapes from ex drivers jealous that their careers are over?”

Obviously this was a bit rude so I changed it to:

“@5LiveF1 You’re trashing of Michael Schumacher’s reputation is extremely boring. You just can’t help yourselves.”

After I sent it I saw I hadn’t edited the beginning, not to worry, people make typos in firing off quick messages.

David Croft read my tweet and clearly riled by my criticism broadcast a personal on-air attack on my supposed poor grammar. Even Ant said that he thought his comments were harsh.

Perhaps David Croft isn’t used to getting viewer/listener feedback that isn’t fawning but that is no excuse for such unprofessional behaviour.

If they want their listeners just to send in comments saying how wonderful they are all and how fantastic the British drivers are then please say so and the rest of us won’t bother invading their Nirvana.

Finally, if you are going to take the moral high ground on matters of grammar it is a good idea to have your own house in order – glass houses and all that. So just for 5LiveF1’s resident grammar policeman, some gems from the 5LiveF1 Twitter feed.

@pastamaster39 I think Kerb height at turn 12 and 13 will be key, I wonder if they have been changed?

@f1_fans Great video’s though

2:29 PM Jun 4th via TweetDeck in reply to f1_fans

To all those asking we have not knicked @jakehumphreyf1 ’s we have our own! Good for reading tweets not great for sending them….

9:42 PM Jun 7th via TweetDeck

@kevcorbett No License Fee has been spent on the iPad. It is a personal one to help our commentary in case the Daily Mail is reading this!

10:05 PM Jun 7th via web

Almost from day one the sniping starts. Your ability is questioned and any error magnified. The abuse becomes highly personal with hurtful comments on your appearance.

Despite this, you approach every race with the same enthusiasm and despite the difficulties, manage to maintain a positive outlook. The abuse continues. A cursory glance at some of the blogs and F1 forums will see your name and your reputation trashed.

With glee, there is talk of potential successors and sympathy expressed for your team mate being saddled with such an inept performer. This turns to near ecstasy when it is announced that your employer is turning its back on F1. Normally job losses are mourned, but it is perfectly fine to celebrate the loss of your prized F1 role.

This is nasty unpleasant bullying of the highest order. The narrative is set and few are brave enough to offer a contrary opinion.

And then Melbourne arrives. After the qualifying session your performance is starting to be reappraised. Perhaps the judgement has been too harsh in the past? The race is won and many of your erstwhile critics are eating humble pie. Your talent is recognised and more people are coming out to say that you really are rather good (even surprising themselves to admit it).

I write not of Jenson nor of Rubens, but the much maligned former ITV lead commentator James Allen.

We were barely into qualifying when it became clear that Jonathan Legard and Martin Brundle was not a match made in heaven. At times Martin Brundle struggled to get a word in and when he did, found himself being talked over. Jonathan Legard may be the BBC old hand, but Martin Brundle is the draw. Their working relationship may be new, but surely they had rehearsals to iron out roles?

A criticism levelled at James Allen is that he is a bit too enthusiastic, a bit hyper. However paired with a laid back Martin Brundle the opposing styles complemented each other. With Jonathan Legard having a similar speaking style to Brundle, the pair sounded very soporific.

Even after just the qualifying session I was wondering whether I wanted to listen to these two for the whole race.

Perhaps they don’t get on. This impression was enhanced when we saw them both in the commentary box just before the race, where Jonathan was trying to engage Martin in a guess the number of broken front wings game – already done to death on 5 Live. To quote Murray Walker “You could have cut the atmosphere with a cricket stump”

On some of the forums it has been suggested that Jonathan Legard sounds as if he is commentating on a horse race. Perhaps in preparing for the role he studied the F1 segment of Alan Partridge’s year of sport in the Radio 4 1991 Christmas edition of ‘On the Hour’?

James Allen’s absence from the commentary box denied the viewer a passionate voice for what was a remarkable race. Thankfully the BBC’s interactive service allowed you to change the audio and listen to the perfectly matched David Croft and Anthony Davidson, who gave every impression of enjoying the race and working with each other.

Hopefully the TV commentary team will get their act together in time for Malaysia. If not, they may need to give “The Cock” a call.

The news channel n-tv used to broadcast the practice sessions, with qualifying and race day covered by RTL. RTL’s coverage is very impressive with a comprehensive warm up show that includes the driver’s parade and extensive post race analysis,  showing the responses of all the drivers in the press conference and not just the German driver.

So to the BBC’s red button coverage of the first two practice sessions.
The station’s first practice session broadcast was covered by David Croft and former Super Aguri driver Antony Davidson.

I am sure that Anthony Davidson would rather be in a car than the commentary booth, but his personal loss is to the gain of those wanting to get a sense of what it is like to drive a car and what the team is trying to achieve in the session. His experience enabled him to accurately interpret the track action, almost demonstrating a psychic ability to predict what was likely to unfold later in the session.

A good start which unravelled a bit for the second session which was covered by Maurice Hamilton and Ian “Arthur Mullard” Phillips. When I last wrote about this pair it was about how they spent a lot of time trashing the skill and ability of Felipe Massa. I haven’t seen their brief but it surely can’t be to waffle on about anything that comes to mind? They were so busy responding viewers’ questions it was like listening to Test Match Special when play has been suspended. Someone should have told them that they were broadcasting to a TV audience and not just the 5 or 6 listeners to Radio Five Sports Extra.

“Formula England’s” finest had a novel approach to their golden boy’s lack of form – largely ignore talking about him. It was quite refreshing not to hear breathless references to Lewis Hamilton every few seconds and actually devote some airtime to other drivers.

I am not going to complain – except to remark on the elephant in the room with regards to McLaren’s poor form this season; this is the first season in a few years where we can be reasonably certain that McLaren have not been able to incorporate stolen proprietary information from Ferrari in the design and set up of their cars. Why won’t the British media even contemplate that there may be a link?

Felipe Massa had run over a kerb, which led to a display of ‘Formula England’ at its worst, with much trashing of Felipe’s driving ability, about how undisciplined he is, how he hasn’t a long term career as a Ferrari etc. I can’t envisage them taking a similar approach to talking about an English driver, Anthony Davidson for example.

The bitching about Felipe only came to an end when a car smashed into the tyre barrier. “It’s not Nelson Piquet Junior”. No it wasn’t that foreigner or any other, it was Formula England’s Golden Boy who had made a mess of his car and probably his pants.

As the second practice session came to an end Felipe topped the timesheets for the second time today – without trashing his car.

PS. Note to the Arthur Mullard sound alike who was commenting with Maurice Hamilton. As there were only about 10 of us listening to 5 Live Sports Extra, is doesn’t really matter if you use the term “Pissed off”, but if you want to get a gig on 5 Live proper during the day, you’ll need to watch the mouth.

The Pontrieux Report is drawn to a “Magazine” article on the BBC news website “How does a prime minister leave the job?”

For the benefit of any students foolish enough to cite this article in any coursework, I offer some corrections;

“Some PMs have dined with the Queen on their last night in office, but it is thought Mr Blair will not be doing this.”

Presumably only those who have known that it was their last night in office. Most PMs have departed as the result of a General Election, so their last night in office was probably spent in their constituency.

“From there he will be carried in the limousine for the last time to Buckingham Palace to see the Queen to resign his post and hand back the seals of office.”

No seals of office changed hands.

“He then leaves the palace in a different car, not the prime ministerial limousine.”

Well it may not the “prime ministerial limousine”, but it looked like the very same car to me.

“As soon as he has left, Mr Brown and his wife, Sarah, will be summoned to the palace to be invited by her majesty to form the next government.”

Actually only Mr Brown was invited to form a government.

“He will be presented with the seals of office.”

No he wasn’t.

“Afterwards the couple return to Downing Street in the limousine left behind by Mr Blair.

Mr Blair didn’t live a limousine behind.

Good old BBC, it’s the way they’re funded you know.

The same can be said for elections. As a candidate at the count, you have little idea how the election is unfolding outside. Sat up in bed at home in Pontrieux I was watching “Tory Boy” Robinson et al backpeddling from their pre-election predictions of a Labour catastrophe (a 1% increase in Labour’s vote wasn’t in the script). I was also keeping an eye on South Gloucestershire Council’s website, which for the first time was giving a results service.

Having noted that my good friend Matthew Riddle had successfuly defended his seat with a whopping Alan B’stard majority,  a congratulatory phone call was in order. I caught Matthew watching the count for the Thornbury seats. After pleasantries I spent the next ten minutes reading out results from the South Glos website, with Matthew relaying this information to others at the count. “I’ve got Gary Pepworth on the phone calling from France giving me the results”, does have a certain surrealism about it.

Alas, lest we marvel too much at the wonders of technology, the call dropped and soon after, to use a technical explanation, the South Glos elections website went tits up.

Despite having only 835 voters, Pontrieux was deemed worthy of inclusion in the final campaign push. Today the Sarkozy cavalcade came to town so I popped out to say hello and wish them well for tomorrow.

From all the Nick Clarke gushing you could have easily gained the impression that no-one could possibly fill Nick Clarke’s shoes. Yet Shaun Ley has done this with ease, bringing the same calm, sober approach to The World at One. I enjoy listening to Shaun as much as I did Nick.

You can imagine my surprise when it was announced that Martha Kearney had been appointed as the new presenter of wato. I had assumed they already had one in Shaun Ley. So why the change? I can’t help thinking that she was given the job as a runner’s-up prize after losing out to Nick Robinson. It helps the BBC avoid being charged with “sexism”, even if it does nothing for Shaun. Can you possibly imagine the hoo-ha that would have erupted had they parachuted in Shaun to replace Martha. Don’t go there!

So tuning in to Radio 4 at 2pm today (French time) I was dismayed to hear that M-Day had finally arrived. Fortunately as Martha is doing a “Chris Evans”, Shaun can still be heard on Friday’s (as well as on Sunday). Until then I’ll stick with the excellent Steve Yabsley on BBC Radio Bristol.

Speaking to my mother today she was similarly surprised by the news – there is nothing on the BBC News website. This is in contrast to their wall to wall wailing that accompanied the recent death of an effeminate man who is largely remembered for playing an effeminate man.

Mention John Inman and you will recall Mr Humphries and er, well, Mr Humphries.

George Sewell was such a ubiquitous figure on our TV screens that your memory of him is likely to be determined by your age. You may remember him as Det. Insp. Brogan  in “Z Cars” or Mendel in “Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy” or in many of the other 76 film and TV projects he appeared.

For me George Sewell was Col. Alec Freeman, Ed Straker’s right hand man in UFO – a trusty colleague who could also get tasty if required.

Whenever asked to name my favourite films I usually mention “The Quiller Memorandum”, with George Sewell. It is a testament to the great man’s acting career, that I fondly recall his performance in a film in which he didn’t appear!

You may have been one of Britain’s most durable and popular actors, but alas you didn’t have a 35 year old catchphrase to repeat ad nauseum,  nor a funny walk, so we hardly noticed you have gone. RIP.