The Pontrieux Report

Oh the joy, some post that didn’t resemble a bill, with a printed Father Christmas on the front. Addressed to M and Mme Pepworth, never mind, an actual Christmas card, from someone in France, how exciting. Who could it be from? Perhaps from Pontrieux’s Mayor recognising the thousands of pounds my guests bring to the local economy, the Billet’s where I have bought most of my fuel and drinks over the past four years, the cash and carry, the pharmacist where I take all my guests who have forgotten to pack their prescription drugs? Perhaps Aurora who I gave several hours of my time helping her with her English exams, or M Piriou thanking me for displaying publicity for his gallery – the list is not exactly endless but enough to fill a few more paragraphs- you get the point.

” To Nick, Karen and family…..”

Oh well, there’s always tomorrow.

Today is the first of two weekends of Pontrieux’s Marchés de Noël. As usual for the time of day and the weather stallholders outnumber punters. Having been here a few years now, I know the French will do all their weekly chores and then pop out about 4 ish. I didn’t realise this in my first year and closed up at 4, desolate at the lack of customers.
My Christmas window display of English tea is causing people to stop and nose so fingers crossed!

Father Christmas is due to take time out from his busy schedule to visit us today, tomorrow and next weekend. Given his busy schedule it was a real coup for t’committee to secure his services. I just hope he’s not a fraud, to check I will speak to him in English, that should flush out any imposter!

In the early hours of the morning searching the internet to try and find former colleagues who are poorer and less successful than me (an unlikely outcome), I ended up creating a Facebook profile. This has caused lots of work not least due to this blog.

It has been a while since my last posting. One of the handful of readers has asked why I haven’t been updating. Here’s why

1. As I don’t suckle at the teat of the public sector, nor no longer work for a multinational, I am no longer able to spend large parts of the day sat in front of a screen blogging, booking holidays, looking at stuff on eBay checking football scores and filling out quizzes about old children’s TV programmes
2. I am not deluded enough to believe that perspectives from Pontrieux is of enormous interest.
3. It’s very easy to be negative and cynical about everything. A friend’s father is a relatively famous academic and children’s author. He has been the subject of and presented numerous Radio 4 programmes. When you hear him on the radio or meet him is extremely charming and good humoured. You know that you are in the company of someone who has enhanced your day. If however, you should read his blog or his column in the local paper, he comes across as a bitter angry man.
4. It’s quite difficult to talk about your daily life without mentioning people. The interesting things that happen involve my neighbours and customers, particularly when they demonstrate ‘interesting’ behaviour. My logs show that a number of people have come to my blog from the Google France translate service, particularly the post about names – the locals are watching.

The solution

1. From now on I going to try and post at least twice a week. This will help give the impression to my thousands of new readers that I am leading a successful charmed and fulfilled existence out of the rat race.
2. I am going to post more about what actually happens when people enter my premises and this may involve naming names.
3. To make 1. easier I am going to post more about what actually happens in France. Much of what is reported in the UK media is very Paris centric and bears no relevance us here in the sticks. I have the regional paper “Le Telegramme” delivered daily so will pass some of the daily news about stabbings, serious car accidents, teen alcoholism, domestic violence, child abuse and strikes that fills the paper.

In the idle moments of a Saturday afternoon in France I notice that a Mr Daniel Homo is putting himself forward as a candidate for March elections in the town of Trélivan. Meanwhile in Guingamp you can vote for Mona Bras. On Monday’s literally seconds of fun can be had at Pontrieux’s market if you visit the fruit and veg stall run by Mme. Bastard.

Indeed you may be so overawed with the hilarity of funny foreign names you may want to pop into my tearoom for a lemonade. I should warn you that I only serve Pschitt! lemonade. “Would you like your Pschitt! in a glass or with a straw?”
Before tutting commences I would like to point out that the French manufacturer is fully aware of the word play – why else would their website have sections labelled “Pschitt! Attitude” and “Pschitt! Yourself”?